For these few days, I've haven't been blogging religiously. Work and revision has kept me too preoccupied and I can't think of anything else to do. I was wondering if am I putting too much pressure on myself. Just can't stop thinking about that damnable CSS-Miniproject and FYP. Its not entirely Earn's or Andrew's fault for not helping me. I just can't seem to find a way to kick-start things...
At times, I was wondering should I for-go the CSS miniproject and focus on the final papers instead. But then again, the angels tell me that its not a wise move. 20% is a huge portion for my CSS.
With blood shot eyes, I watch you sleeping The warmth I feel beside me is slowly fading Would she hear me, if I called her name? Would she hold me, if she knew my shame?
There's always something different going wrong The path I walk is in the wrong direction There's always someone fucking hanging on Can anybody help me makes things better?
Your tears don't fall, they crash around me Her conscious calls, the guilty to come home Your tears don't fall, they crash around me Her conscious calls, the guilty to come home
The moments died, I hear no screaming The visions left inside me are slowly fading Would she hear me, if I called her name? Would she hold me, if she knew my shame?
There's always something different going wrong The path I walk is in the wrong direction There's always someone fucking hanging on Can anybody help me makes things better?
Your tears don't fall, they crash around me Her conscious calls, the guilty to come home Your tears don't fall, they crash around me Her conscious calls, the guilty to come home
This battered room I've seen before The broken bones they heal no more, no more With my last breath I'm choking Will this ever end I'm hoping My world is over one more time
Let's go!
Would she hear me, if I called her name? Would she hold me, if she knew my shame?
There's always something different going wrong The path I walk is in the wrong direction There's always someone fucking hanging on Can anybody help me makes things better?
Your tears don't fall, they crash around me Her conscious calls, the guilty to come home Your tears don't fall, they crash around me Her conscious calls, the guilty to come home
Better!
Your tears don't fall, they crash around me Her conscious calls, the guilty to come home
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Got trouble sleeping last night. How my body wanted to rest, but my brain and eyes refused. Had interrupted sleep from 5am to 7am before getting up for breakfast and newspaper. After that, I forced myself to sleep once again. I did lapse into darkness, but soon turns to nightmares... I remember I was there I was in a mess... Then the surrounding changed to my house... and the climax of the nightmare occured in the toilet. In the end, I had a burning sensation in my body accompanied with the intense rush of pure horror! I immediately jerked from my sleep! I was sweating moderately and my ribs were tight... I lay still in my bed with eyes wide open...
I wasn't in the best of moods today as well as for the past two days. Went school as usual, but my heart wasn't on any books... when will I recover?
I can't help myself alone. Someone right has got to help me...
Monday, July 14, 2008
Batman: The Dark Knight movie is definitely one of the most anticipated movies of this year 2008. The movie stars Christian Bale as Batman and the late Heath Ledger as The Joker.
To whet our appetites and also, to spice things up a bit, why not add the Predator into this mini film?
Sunday, July 13, 2008
So whats more important? Mesos or Me? I don't need to say so much... Let this picture speak for itself.
After lessons at 5pm, Earns and I were hanging outside the bus stop with Raj. Recently Raj's bike was unusable due to a jammed piston. Without his bike, it's gonna be troublesome for him as he needs it to travel to school, to work and back to home almost everyday. And after that, he drifted to his academics; lamenting that this semester had been terrible for him. Usually, he would be killing all the papers with around 90 marks, which results in a very high GPA.
So I was wondering, with all the biking, working, clubbing and drinking, how the heck did he manage to score in his results?
His Ans: "When the teacher is talking, I pay full attention. After lessons during free time, I go read up and complete the tutorials. Friend ask me go play play, I dont go one! I also don't do work at home; no time!"
I was like *stun*... and I really admire him for being able to study so well at the same time enjoy life to the max.
So far, it seems that life has been good for me. But fact is, it's not... After the MST week, many many troubles and problems surfaced out of nowhere. Most problems related to school and one related to life. The feeling is like being clubbed on the head with a sledgehammer. I somehow can't find that vigor to be cheerful and dandy in school.
Eating also seems much difficult; lifting that spoonful of food to my mouth is like asking me to carry the weight of a fat-ass lady! Many a times, the process of laughing ain't that joyful. But Earns "didi" (1st time calling him god bro due to the fact that he calls me Big Bro!) was always there to cheer me up and knock sense into me. He seems like a split personality of me, always happy don't know for what crazy shit reason! I really appreciate him as a true friend...Hope I can sort myself out as soon as possible... and if I really do, I gotta thank him a gazillion!
--Day 5, Perplexity-Needs time to sort out all the troubles--
With the recent "problems" in my academics, I've decided to put a major limitation on my gaming and leisure hours. And, today seems to be the first day. Luckily I feel so much better after the headache subsided.
Today's pure study mentality started early in the day at 8am when I attended lessons normally. Lessons ended at 1pm and Earns and I went to have our lunch with Joel and Julian. I was really happy to catch up with them after so long a time; talked lots of crap and jokes like "When the world end at 2012", "Eccentric people in our old class", etc etc...
After lunch, it was down to business : To clear the CSS Miniproject draft once and for all. Earns and I brainstormed on the draft for a solid 4 hours. No kinds of temptations was able to derail our concentration. Really, its "Think Till The TouNao Twists!". Many a times, we got stuck at many parts for quite some time; stoning while thinking. But even so, we got the draft done. At about 5.45pm, my man Earns headed to work while I still got more to do... when I reach home at least.
It has really been some time since I've seen Bun Jie, Zhen Ping Kor and Ah Qing Mei. Well, they unexpectedly came over to visit us during the early evening time. Man, lots to talk about like their new house, their plans, and many other things under the sun. Hope I get to see Bun Jie's new house soon!
Finally, when things quieten down (cousins, headed home) at about 8pm just now, I put on my Thinking Cap and started drafting the report and coming out with the SQL programming script... Another 2 hours plus of study-trance. Finally, I was able to slow down my momentum and breathe a sigh of relief. What a "Hardcore" day! So damn proud I was able to psycho myself.
Now... I just can't get my brains to think anymore... just want to go to sleep and prepare for the next day.
Well I got my SOCOM paper, and all I can say is that never in my 3 years in poly did i see such crappy result. Though it wasn't a failure but simply, I deserved it. And now at the start of the school term, I suddenly realized I had much things to do. Curse myself for turning a blind eye at the Blackboard, as in not checking for any assignments to be done.
CSS Miniproject, DI Project 2, SOCOM lab-retest, DSP lab-retest, CSS lab re-test... god knows how many more will come.
On top of that the headache is nigging at my nerves again... Since last night, it won't go away. Damn it...
Many a times today, I think back to my Poly Year 1. How the heck did I psycho myself to be strong, to be impervious, to be invulnerable to everything and focus on my studies and yet at the same time enjoying life? Thinking back, I really envy myself then... I need that focus again... I need that determination again...
Tonight, is gonna be one hell of a night... after a very uncomfortable afternoon nap, I hope I should be able to stay focused for the night and try to clear as much of the CSS Miniporject as possible. I hope the continual dosage of panadol and wind oil will help clear that damned headache.
--Day 3, lets see how long it takes for you to realize your mistakes--
Had trouble sleeping... Tonight's the worst... On top of that my head hurts like hell, especially near the temple region. Just eaten Panadol and rubbed some Feng1 You2 on my temples and forehead... Hope I can get some sleep soon. Sick... and tired...
